So it’s cheap and overdone to make fun of bad translations.  We saw plenty, but I only really captured those I found kind of endearing.  Usually these seemed to be trying to take care of people.  The other ones I liked were those that seemed contradictory, or completely baffling.

This first set wasn’t even a  translation issue – so much as a complexity issue combined with lack of translation:

  
I get step 4(barely):  a cup will appear somewhere, possibly with stuff in it.

There are far too many knobs and settings here.  The arrows do not remotely help.

However!  Had I known what to do–   I would have definitely had a Blendy.

   
Failing that, perhaps the always-appealing Hot Banana Drink?

  
What about the Coolish?  Food or elf hat?

Oh wait…  It clearly states it’s a Vanilla Ice Drink Type.

There’s nothing that funny about a Hershey’s choco monaka

Except I’ll never get the name out of my head now.   It’s my new meditation mantra.

We came across this in Kyoto. I’m at a loss for how this name was arrived at:  

Do we similarly invent names in other languages here that make no sense?  I wonder what is our equivalent of the Soft France Sand Hot Dog.

The following just seem so sincere and endearing to me

The next one doesn’t need words to baffle me.  What is going in here?? Are these demons?  Apparitions?  Why are his limbs so distended and wavery, why does she have horns, and what is their relationship to each other ?  Why do they need a sign?

Maybe we even have the next item in US 7-11s, I don’t know.

I think I was struck by  the contrast of Tory’s Highball In A Can surrounded by the Familymart Collection on all sides.   Plus, I associate highballs with Mad Men, or Darren’s boss in Bewitched — not 7-11.

Last, interesting name for bottled water!

I know it immediately killed my thirst without even buying it.   Special shout out to Cathy and Eric on this one–  the sweatest couple I know.

Some last shots from the Chorakuen inn, including our delicious breakfast:

  
  
I’m not saying this is *why* I chose this property…  But I did not object to this art in the lobby!

The vending machine here sells Adorable Milk:

It was about zero degrees as we departed today (with wind chill, anyway). We were going to wander about Matsue, but it was way too cold, so we took an earlier express train to Okayama, and then a bullet train to Osaka

The trip from Matsue to Okayama was an exotic snow-covered series of landscapes.

 

  


  

One stop before Okayama, we parted ways with Lauren :(. ).

In addition to missing her already, this means Paul and I are again unleashed on Japan without our translator, cultural educator, and horse sashimi and other dubious foods spotter.
We immediately ran into problems in Osaka Shin station, when we attempted to exit the bullet train, and we couldn’t find a seemingly completely irrelevant ticket from three trains ago, which was apparently required to exit.  Evidently, the station masters want to see *every leg of your journey* before they’ll let you escape.

Our impressive gesturing and over enunciation of English, as well as our classic public  ‘pocket and bag rifling display’ provided amusement for the rush hour crowd.

After a while, I think they pitied us as they accepted our handful of tickets – including a souvenir receipt as the missing ticket.

We made our way to the subway (our first subway trip!)- to get to our next and final hotel (Osaka Marriott).   I flawlessly managed the ticket machine, if I do say so myself, and we lept aboard a train waiting on the platform,  miraculously headed exactly where we needed to go!  Who needs Lauren now!

Our hotel is attached to the station, so was easy to find after getting off the subway.  It sits atop what is apparently the largest dept store in Japan . The building itself is also the tallest building in all of Japan, per Paul.

We’re on the 47th floor, and the view is great:

  
  

Among other benefits, our hotel room comes with complimentary Rose Moist bath salt, and a Lady’s Kit!

Before some of you, from Texas, you know who I’m talking about — get all prudish on me:  here are the contents of the Lady’s Kit:

Miscellaneous other stuff from today:

Here is the Matsue Town Mascot!  (All towns have mascots).

It’ a cat with a roof on its head! naturally!

Also, when I got bored waiting in line for train tickets today, I started taking pictures of my money.  It’s so pretty!

That’s 10000 Yen–the rough equivalent of a $100 bill, and my favorite bill.  Look what’s on the back!

A separate thing that amused me:  I had the opportunity to briskly use the restroom on the express train  (express pee!) – it was all very civilized and the toilet seat was appropriately heated.   There was, however, a miniature urinal right directly at “sitting head level” — a bit close for comfort, IMO.

The best, however, was this sign on the urinal:

Let me just zoom in on that for you..,

….  as IF!!

That same restroom also had a vaguely alarming ‘collapsible baby holder’

As much as I love Japan and this trip, I feel a constant sense of near disaster — between all the heads and horses one might be expected to eat, and the dangers of mistaken drinking from the wrong thing…,

Tomorrow is our last full day in Japan…    :(.    We’re trying to decide between heading back to Kyoto for one more day, or exploring Osaka – which is huge.

Our friendly and somewhat alarmingly over attentive host asked us today if we’d like dinner tonight in the Hotel.    Lauren said he said ‘free of charge’, but honestly I’m beginning to suspect she doesn’t speak a word of Japanese.

We gratefully agreed, and he did the now familiar thing of asking us ‘what time’, followed by dissuading us from any time we offered, to arrive at a time that was clearly in his head to begin with.   (7 Pm, in this case).

Dinner was *completely amazing*.   It consisted of an insane number of tiny dishes of beautiful mystery foods, in a never ending parade of surprise appearances.

I’ll start by saying it was all delicious and stunningly gorgeous, because it truly was!!  … before  now going on to write what may appear to be irreverent and flippant things about various parts  of the meal.   I can only imagine my hosts’ horror should they run across this blog and run any of it through google translate.

Look at how beautiful that is! I thought it was the entire meal — little did I realize it was probably 1/20th of the final total.

A couple of days ago, Lauren informed us of something she referred to as ‘horse sashimi’, which she said she “didn’t care for, –particularly the aftertaste”.  It is apparently slabs of raw horse… (Perhaps delicately sliced in fine slivers?  Who knows… But I picture slabs or chunks myself).   This is relevant because, as we sat down to the first amazing course before us, the first comment out of (the side of) her mouth was “I believe we’re looking at Horse Sashimi”.

In the photo above, you can see at Lauren’s left elbow, and lower mid center on Paul’s/my side, the conjectured ‘horse sashimi’..  (Slabs!  Indeed!).

 My own concerns aside, can you imagine Paul the Vegetarian’s feelings at this moment? Especially because it is a clear cultural expectation to eat all food before you, and potentially insulting to leave any.  Those are some *thick* slabs of uncooked potential horse there!  That’s no small amount of chewing ahead..

Only after she read the menu was her cruel ignorance revealed…

‘Ah, ‘she goes… ‘That’s beef that we’ll apparently cook on these adorable little pans over burners.’

I will say now that I never fully trusted her again.

The adorable and so so kind server came by and told us: you may start on these while we prepare your meal.  It was so much food, and just a starter!

All the food is from local areas.

Note the adorable tiny fish!

Because of our ‘heads on deal’, I promptly swapped that for Paul’s ‘headless shrimp’.

That crab is snow crab I think.  It was so sweet!  If challenging to remove with chopsticks…

The paper bowl of broth and misc stuff was a soup thing under which a fire was lit!

I sat waiting for something amazing to happen as a result of fire + paper:  will it go up in flames and cook that way?! Perhaps it’s special Japanese paper that will slowly fold itself into a little bundle around the food in the shape of something beautiful like a swan or a kimono!   This is the kind of ‘magical thinking’ days in Japan causes!

In the end it just cooked in the paper until it was boiling–  delicious!  But ultimately I felt a tiny bit betrayed by the use of paper at all.  Basically no more than a ‘culinary parlor trick’   ..

I didn’t photograph all the courses, but they were all amazing and beautiful and mysterious and minuscule in beautiful dishes, each tinier and more elaborate than the one before..

The final course was micro-dessert:  a lovely mango pudding with a side of taro paste, a yellow (?) chestnut, and a square of delicious something gelatin.

A fantastic, possibly complimentary, possibly incredibly expensive, gorgeous delicious meal!!